cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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