dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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