I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
