im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
