I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
