We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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