Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
