if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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