is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
