Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
