Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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