I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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