Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
MIDGETS
????
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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