Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize