hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
