Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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