What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
