and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
