It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
