Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
