you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
