I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
