You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
