one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
