and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
