You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
