that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
