grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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