Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
