Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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