He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
