wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
