i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
