She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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