dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
