Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
