don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
