My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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