Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
