Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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