have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
