My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then he tried to convert me to islam
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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