If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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