Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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