didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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