I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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