Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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