My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
