The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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