If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
