I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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