every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
