how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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