don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
