piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
