SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
