Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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