My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
