i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
