So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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