therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize