hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
