would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
