I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
