I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize