Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize