In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
