My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
