I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
