The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
