I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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