trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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