If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
