totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
