To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
