AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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