I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
