I just pynch a tree in the face
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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