you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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