we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
