remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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