real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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