I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
