Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
