I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
