from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
