ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize