32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
