I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize