Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
