Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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