I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
