Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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