I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
