Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
