tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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