her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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