Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
