Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
