doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
