on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize